In this time of uncertainties, I believe the best remedy to help me sustain my sanity is my prayers.

I do not mind hurting myself, but hurting others is something I fear the most, and I think I am very capable of doing that inadvertently. Friends has been the sweetest so far. In fact, they always have been when it comes to times like this in the past.

But this is my greatest nightmare. And although I know it will never be enough, I will want to apologise again and again, - be it in person, in writing, in physical touch, or pray for forgiveness from the Great One Above.

Peace. For you. For all of you. That is all I seek for.

I am fighting back fierce tears even as I type this. I have not slept for the last 5 days without wailing into my pillow.

Imran, I do not know if you will read this, but I have to do this. I do not wish to be unfair to you in any way. It is so hard for me, but I need to do this. My apologies are never enough, but there is not a day that I won't think of you. I give you my word that my love for you and my care will never cease no matter what happens. I will want to be there for you as a friend and as a soulmate, -as just a person who you can call and talk to.

I remembered feeling like this once.... I wish I could say things you would like to hear, or you once loved hearing. But I'm human too, and I forget things like you do. What if I grow older and I forget (or always forget) where I put my glasses, or if I've read the newspaper. What if I could simply not tell you things you wish to listen to. What if I just be honest, just be the way I am?

What if one thing's for sure is that I'll never forget that I love you.

Because if that's ok, then it'll be ok.

This is so so hard.